The Wedding Planner in You

by Sisterlisa

A little girl playing wedding in her room, dresses in one of her mother's older white dresses while pretending to get married. She adorns her curly hair with a veil made out of one of grandma's scarves, and she puts on those beautiful shoes from mommy's closet. While the shoes are several sizes too big, she still wobbles in them as she stumbles across the room and into the hallway to act as if she is gracefully gliding down the aisle. The lipstick she applied to her tiny lips creates a large smile on her face and she holds the floral arrangement from the dining room table. She is well on her way to creating the budget for her father to pay for this unbelievable wedding for her future.

Although some may think this is innocent fun for a little girl to play 'wedding' we must also be careful not set ourselves up for disappointment. It's natural for a young girl to dream of being married one day, but she also needs to be careful how much she envisions of that beautiful day. I remember growing up and my cousin and I would talk for HOURS about the colors we wanted our weddings to be. We had the entire wedding planned out before we were even old enough to have a gentleman in our lives.

I don't think there is anything wrong with imagining planning a wedding, but I do think we need to be wise how much we invest our thoughts in that. Should the Lord tarry His coming beyond your marrying years, keep in mind that your future husband will want to have a part in the wedding planning process. You may have chosen your favorite color for the main scheme of your wedding day and it just may be his least favorite color. Having your dream set in stone in your imagination could cause a rift in the future relationship God has in store for you.

Last year I assigned to my daughter, Lady Jess, to plan a wedding. Yet she was not to plan 'her' wedding. I gave her a projected budget to work with and she had to look in our own town for the vendors needed for this wedding planning project. We attended a bridal fair, which was fun by the way, we got to taste a lot of delicious treats set out by the caterers. ;O) I thought it was interesting that so many people assumed Lady Jess was the bride. Either they thought this fifteen year old, at the time, looked much older or they thought I was too old to be getting married. I giggled every time they asked when her wedding date was.

When we explained that we homeschool and that this was her math project they were so amazed and happy with this assignment. Many of them offered to assist in any way we needed. It was an interesting project, yet I was able to have some very deep conversations with my daughter during those months we planned and prepared for the 'wedding'. It was a time for her and I to discuss what her father and I had in mind in our choice to restore courtship into our family's heritage.

Much to our surprise Lady Jess has been so happy with our thoughts on the topic and has found great satisfaction in knowing we love her enough to set a firm standard against 'dating'. She was relieved that she would not have to go through the popular dating rite of passage that other girls go through. I shared some experiences I had as an unsaved public school girl growing up and I shared some stories of girls I saw grow up in church youth groups. She has been in agreement with us ever since, that she wants to have a proper Biblical Courtship when the time is right.

Imagining a wedding can be an exciting dream, but it can also lead to a rushed relationship with the first good looking guy that sends his eye in your direction. That butterfly fluttering feeling in a girls tummy is one that is hard to ignore. We must be on guard! The enemy himself knows what our weaknesses are and he WILL send that temptation our way if we don't guard ourselves from that. He has his demons watching us as they send temptation our way. Those principalities in the air are looking to find ways to cause us to stumble.

Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. "

1 Peter 5:8, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: "

Having a dream to be married one day is a marvelous dream, but our focus should be on our relationship with the Lord until that time comes. Now as you play dress up with the girls in your family remember where your focus is and give God the opportunity to plan your future. What you have in mind today just may change in the next five or more years. If you would like more info on a 'Wedding Planning Project' keep your eye out for an upcoming article from Growing in Grace Magazine.
Be sure to subscribe n the right side of our site for updates on future articles of GGM.

Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in community service and leads the deaf ministry at her church.

**You can read about Josh and Anna Duggar's Story of Courtship. Their wedding story is being aired on TLC, The Learning Channel.

The Eye of the Beholder

This is a very important article about purity, true love, and conducting yourself in a discreet manner. Please make sure it is ok with your dad or mom before you read this.

by Sisterlisa

We see and hear the word love quite often now. People say they love Pepsi, the color pink, teddy bears, I love New York, etc. I believe that girls are more likely to talk about love than guys do and yet oftentimes they are misunderstanding what love really is. As a girl begins to notice a guy is nice looking, she may also realize that she gets butterflies in her stomach when their eyes meet. Girls become giddy over a guy speaking to her and read more into that conversation than what it is worth.

This last summer our family helped a young twelve year old girl and sent her to Bible camp. She was mesmerized by the guys and thought all the guys liked her. We asked her what made her think that they liked her and she said, “Because they’re talking to me and being really nice.” We had to explain to her that most of the guys in our church ARE nice, but are nice to EVERYONE. She truly thought that since they were being gentlemen that they had a romantic interest in her. I was concerned at how the guys from her school may have treated her. If our guys were so noticeably nice to her then there must have been a contrast between them and the guys she attended school with.

It’s natural when a girl notices a guy and she gets that tingly feeling in her tummy, it’s a natural curiosity. It’s also a natural curiosity for a cat to venture into an open road, and for babies who want to reach out for an electrical outlet. These things are fascinating to them, yet not always safe or the right time to explore. The feelings a girl has in her tummy when she notices a guy looking in her direction is not one to cultivate at such a young age. A lady should always be aware of the expression her eyes send to another person. The world acknowledges that the biggest form of flirtation is through the eyes, this is why women have found such an interest in makeup. They have found out how to attract a man to look into her eyes and she knows how to make her lashes longer and fuller, then she uses them to express the desires of her heart. A girl knows that the eyes are a powerful tool.

The eye can be used to cause the fall of man:
Just look at how Eve used her eyes to the fall of mankind.

Genesis 3:6, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

She was mesmerized by what she saw with her eyes then persuaded her own husband to disobey God. The eye sure can be deceiving and can be used for persuasion and inflict pain.

The eye can lead you astray:
Lot was persuaded by the eye to choose the well watered plain of Jordan, but refused to heed God’s wisdom about avoiding the sinful land of Sodom.

The eye can be used for hatred:
Sarah despised Hagar in her eyes after Hagar conceived from Abraham, and Hagar knew it.

Genesis 16:5, “And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.”

The eye can be weak and not see clearly:

When Isaac was old his eyes were dim and thus easily deceived by his very own son Jacob.

The eye is used for flirting:
Potipher’s wife used her eyes for wickedness in

Genesis 39:7, “And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.”

The eye can convince you to make excuses for sin:
You may have seen when someone is joking with you that they wink at you. By the use of a wink you know they are hiding something or kidding you. People also use the wink of an eye to make excuses for sin, as if winking makes it acceptable.

Job 15:12-13, “Why doth thine heart carry thee away? and what do thy eyes wink at,That thou turnest thy spirit against God, and lettest such words go out of thy mouth? ”

Proverbs 6: 12-14, “12 A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth.
13 He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers;
14 Frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord.”

The eyes can be used as a tool in witchcraft:

Nahum 3:4, “Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts.”

Galatians 5:19-21, “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Lasciviousness is arousing intimate desires. When a girl uses her eyes as a way to inform a guy of how she feels about him, she is arousing a desire in him, she is enchanting him, and is practicing witchcraft.

We must stop ourselves from using our eyes in a way that displeases the Lord.

Matthew 5:28-29, “28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”

Now this doesn’t mean that if you have wrongly gazed at a guy that you should literally pluck your eye out, but we should be guarding our eyes. Remember the little song, ‘Be Careful Little Eyes What You See’ We know that the Father sees everything we do and he knows everything we think.

Proverbs 5:21, “For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.”

Proverbs 15:3, “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.”

Matthew 12:25, “And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:”

We don’t want to allow our eyes to divide our thoughts and hearts from the Lord. Many cultures have etiquette for proper eye contact. The Japanese use the rule of 25% eye contact during a conversation.

It is not lady like or appropriate for a girl to gaze into the eyes of a guy, it shows a lack of temperance, decorum, and propriety. Here are some simple rules for eye contact etiquette for a proper young lady.

1. If a lady is being spoken to by another teen guy, be sure you have a chaperon to assist in godly communication and accountability. There was a time when girls and guys did not have private conversations and we need to bring that back into our culture.

2. When in a group conversation keep your eyes on the adult leading the conversation.
If a guy wants to have a conversation with you, it would be wise to have them speak to your father first to request permission. This is not in regards to casual conversations at church, but rather if he wants to get to know you better. If the guy wants to speak to you on a regular basis and pursue a deeper friendship. This has become such an outdated rule of etiquette, yet it is not beyond our reach to bring back. Now I understand how silly it would sound if a guy approached you to speak to you and you said, “You’ll have to ask my dad for permission before I can talk to you” yet we need to work on bringing such manners back. You can speak to your father and let him know that you would like to have him be a part of your social conversations. Staying close to a parent or other trusted adult when in the company of other teens is wise.

Should a teen guy want to speak to you, then you already have accountability by your side. A wise father standing by would approach you and any guy who attempts to speak to you and engage in the conversation. If the teen guy shies away from speaking to you because of the presence of your father, then he has no business speaking to you, for he has shown a lack of respect for you, your father, and the Lord.

A teen guy who wants to speak to you in respect and for godly communication will not shy away from accountability. During this conversation you can glance at the eye of the guy, but keep looking back to your father’s eyes. A proper young man will recognize that you are honoring your father and in turn gain more respect for you as well as your father.

My daughter, Lady Jess, describes her eye contact etiquette to me like this:

“A girl has that discernment, other people call it intuition, it tells you that you’ve looked at their eyes for too long. When you ignore that intuition for too long you lose your ability to respond to it.”

3. Pray for manners. You can pray before attending a social function and ask the Holy Spirit to help you guard your eyes during conversations.

4. Avoid looking for eye contact. Some girls actively look around a room hoping for gaining eye contact with a guy they like. This is inappropriate behavior for a lady who wants to please the Lord.

As we adopt these vintage manners back into our lives, we are restoring our hearts to proper courtship in the future. We must renew our heritage as Christian ladies and begin to incorporate godly eye contact back into our every day relationships.

Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in community service and leads the deaf ministry at her church.

A Hardened Heart

There are twenty-four places in the Bible that talk about a hardened heart. The most famous passages would be when Pharaoh hardened his heart against God and would not let the children of Israel leave the land of Egypt and slavery.

We know that Pharaoh did not believe in God, he believed in his own gods and in himself. Pharaoh did not worship and love the Creator. He loved his own gods. We have seen many times throughout the Bible where people turned their hearts away from the Lord and towards other things that caught the attention of their heart.

Samson left what he knew was a right life to be with a woman who caused his fall. Solomon walked away from the Lord and had many wives. David left his first love and sought out Bathsheba. The people in the days of Noah had hearts that were only evil continually, and they missed the boat! Then we have Peter who denied the Lord three times.

We can clearly see what trouble it causes when people give their hearts away to the wrong thing/people. This is where young ladies need to be very careful with their hearts. I grew up in the world, living the way the world teaches we should. Having many 'boy' friends and crushes while in my younger, unsaved years. Each time I gave my heart over to a boy, not only would my heart be crushed, but it turned further and further away from my own daddy. My focus was on whoever the 'cute' guy was and not on making my daddy proud of me.

Within a very short amount of time I had developed a deep abiding desire to be wherever the boy was. I wanted to sit at the lunch table that had the clear view of him, without being noticed of course. I sat near where he would play soccer at the lunch time field. I would play handball just to keep an eye on him. My crushes became obsessions! Somewhere in the depths of my heart, I also began to believe that NO ONE else was 'allowed' to like him, because *I* liked him first! The very first time I noticed another girl keeping her eye on him too, there would be a wildfire burning within my soul!

This was a vicious cycle in my life and among my friendships. It would soon come out that the boy would realize that I had eyes for him and he would make it very clear that he was not interested in me, calling me names, ignoring me, gossiping about me, etc. The next thing I know he likes the other girl! Life, as I knew it, was ruined! Until a new guy would catch my eye that is. That green eyed monster would soon be unleashed again. Jealousy would keep me bound in chains of misery time and time again. After a while my heart became hardened. I no longer trusted a boy. By the time I met the man who did become my husband, I had a very difficult time allowing him to have my heart. Where does this crazy merry-go-round end? Get off before you get dizzy and pass out.

Deutoronomy 6:5, "And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." (KJV)

Sigh* What a relief! All I need to do is love the Lord my God, with all my heart, soul, and might!

Sing this song with me: 'Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus'

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Chorus:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Chorus

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!

Chorus

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Just turn your eyes upon Jesus and keep HIM in your sights! Keep your eyes on Jesus and make your focal point in life to be of Him. Jesus loves you and you will never feel the devastating break of the heart from Him. He tells you that He loves you and will never speak ill of you. He will never fail you and will always be there for you.

Don't allow the things of earth to strangle you and cause you to have a hardened heart. God has a plan for your life and He wants to have your heart until the day He opens the door for you to give it to the man you will marry. Until then keep your heart and eyes on Jesus and allow your daddy to protect you from the pain this world tries to snare you with.

The Man of My Dreams

When I was a little girl I often dreamed about getting married. Thoughts of dating never crossed my mind as a young girl. I never dreamed about the day I would go on a date, I only dreamed about getting married! As a little girl I had a gentleman doll in a black suit and a lady doll in a white dress and flowers in her hands. One thing that did not come into my mind was where I would find the man of my dreams. I just thought about the wedding day. I must have somehow had a child like faith that it would just happen one day. God's Word tells us that He wants us to have faith in Him as a little child.

Matthew 18:2-3, "2And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

Now in this passage Jesus is talking about having faith to trust Him as their Savior and enter the kingdom of heaven, but I would think that I am safe to assume that He would like for us to have this same child like faith in Him for every area of our lives. The Lord did not put thoughts of worry into their minds about trusting in Him such as, "What church should I go to in order to get to heaven?" God's Word just tell us to go to church to worship Him with other believers. (See the book of Acts) Attending church doesn't get us to heaven just as going to a specific school or working at a job wouldn't guarantee me a husband.

I have been able to be involved in several different ministries through our church, my husband's ministry, as well as in community service in the northern part of our state and I can tell you from my experience, that a virtuous woman is indeed hard to find. They were hard to find in the days of King Lemuel and they are still hard to find today. Yet, King Lemuel's mother taught him to find one! She told him to look for a virtuous woman and what to look for in her character as a lady. Proverbs 31 tell us all the details of the conversation she had with her son.

In Titus chapter 2 God's Word tells the women that they are to teach the younger women. It is the mother's responsibility and opportunity to teach her daughters to be virtuous women. If you do not have a mother in your life, a godly step-mother or another godly lady can still teach you. Seek the wisdom of your father or parental guardian for who to allow as a biblical woman in your life.

As you are preparing yourself to be a virtuous woman, I have faith that God will send you the man that is meant to find you, no matter where you are in the world. In the upcoming weeks and months we will continue to study God's Word further on this matter of being a virtuous lady for the Lord and for your future husband. We will explore the aspects of biblical courtship as your parents follow biblical principles in being the authority in your life. You won't find the word 'courtship' or 'dating' in God's Word as it is a cultural practice and that practice varies from country to country and culture to culture. However, we can use Biblical principles to follow as a guideline in preparing ourselves for the future God has planned for us.

I believe that God has chosen who you will one day marry, or if you will marry at all. Some women never marry a man, but are deeply dedicated to the Lord and they are virtuous for Him in His service. I can't tell you that you will get married one day, but I believe, by faith, that God will use a godly young lady who has dedicated herself to be a pure virtuous woman to be a wife one day.

Virtuous women are hard to find, but godly gentlemen are looking for her. I believe that as we see that the virtuous woman has become an endangered and almost extinct possibility, that God will place you within the loving relationship of a godly gentleman. You can begin today by praying for God's will to be done in your life. Place yourself on your prayer list and begin praying that God will prepare you to be what He wants in a young woman.

Restoring Courtship

By definition, 'restoring' means:

1.to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish: to restore order.
2.to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.
3.to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.
4.to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.: to restore the king to his throne.
5.to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).

We feel that old fashioned Christian courtship has been lost and we have a desire to 'restore' courtship. My husband, Brother Scott, attended a men's leadership seminar where this topic was taught in great detail.

Courtship by definition means:

Obsolete. courtly behavior; courtesy; gallantry.

Gallantry:

1.dashing courage; heroic bravery; noble-minded behavior.
2.gallant or courtly attention to women.
3.a gallant act, action, or speech.

As a young lady, your first and foremost relationship is with the Lord Jesus. Your first earthly relationship is with your father. The manner in which we place importance, respect, and honor on our relationships with the Lord and our fathers will be the example of what kind of wife you will become. A wise young man will know this and recognize in you qualities that are becoming of a virtuous woman.

Our desire is not to promote betrothal or 'dating' as our world defines it, but rather re-establish the parents role in assisting and guiding their daughters in developing a strong relationship with their Lord, and earthly father, in their lives and in regards to preparing for a Biblical marriage.

We have a desire to spread the word to the world today, that we are in fact 'Restoring Courtship'. Below on our side bar, you'll see a tag to identify yourself with, as a young woman who is striving to restore courtship as a godly heritage for the family you will one day have. Mothers, you may use this tag as well to share with your friends and loved ones that this is, in fact, a principle of great importance.

We will be adding new information and devotions in regards to 'Restoring Courtship' in the upcoming months. You can read all Restoring Courtship Articles Here