What Happened to the Friendship?

I don't know about you, but when dear friends live far away it's hard to keep up sometimes. Have you ever had a friend move away and you could feel the emptiness before they even start packing? Has distance caused time to pass quickly and the next thing you know it's been MONTHS since you've spoken? I wonder if they think I don't care about them anymore? Maybe they don't care about me anymore.

Perhaps we're just busy and life gets away from our grip sometimes. Not everyone can be the kind of friend that talks to you every single day. Some friends you may not be in contact with for several weeks and as soon as she calls it's as if time has never passed. Could it be that the last time you spoke, the words were misunderstood? How can we keep living a life full of unanswered questions? How can a friendship reblossom again after so much time has passed?

You'll never know until you try to contact them again.

I met a girl when I was in the second grade. I grew up in public school with her all my life. We've had our fair share of ups and downs, but after all these years we are still friends! We live nine hours away from each other, but we connected through a social network site and still make late night phone calls to one another every now and then. Life gets busy and the next thing you know, her baby is six years old and can have a pretty good conversation over the phone. Wow I missed a few birthdays didn't I? (I'm really bad about that.)

I made another friend in the sixth grade and she moved away, never to be seen or heard from again. I have other friends that I haven't seen or heard from in several months. Were we ever really friends to begin with? Why doesn't she return my phone calls anymore? She didn't call me or even email me on my birthday. (Probably because I forgot hers first.)

There is something I have realized over the years and that is that we can't live life second guessing ourselves. Friendships come and go. Sometimes friendships can be so sweet and tight knit, and other times they seem to slip away from us. Instead of focusing on what you don't have right now, let's try to look on the positive.

Did you enjoy your times together? Did you have some really good laughs with one another? Did she encourage you when no one else would? Do you have any past notes or emails that really touched your heart? Think on these things.

Sometimes friendships are for a season in our life and for a divine purpose. Sometimes that purpose is fulfilled and it's time for someone else to have that friend. Maybe it's time for you to focus on being another person's friend for now. We all have different gifts and if we let Him, God will use our gifts to encourage one another for a season. It's a rare treasure to keep one friend for a lifetime. So for those friendships we enjoyed for a season, don't fret and grieve over the friendship moving on. She may have been an gift in your life for a time and now it's time for her to be an gift in someone else's life.

Maybe the parting wasn't good. Misunderstandings can really hurt. Words can kill. Were your last words unkind? Cover that friends heart with prayer and let our Lord help with that.

I've had many friends come and go, but thank you Lord for the sweet times you gave to those friendships. May the Lord use them all to help touch another person's heart as much as they touched mine. Even if you don't hear back from a friend, it's still a kind gesture to drop a line every now and then. Here are some tips to help rekindle a friendship that has been preoccupied.

1. Send an E-card. These are so simple to do.

2. Send a postcard.

3. Send a text message.

4. Find her on Twitter or Facebook and reconnect.

5. Take her some homemade cookies. Be prepared to leave a note if she's not home.

6. Pray for her.

7. Call your local inspirational radio station and dedicate a song to her.

8. Throw a blog party for her.

9. If you can afford it, send flowers.

10. Get her a coffee shop gift card.

What other ways have you reconnected with an old friend?



Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in serving the Lord in her community.

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Discerning the Truth

This time of year we hear of many people writing list of goals for the new year, a New Years Resolution. The problem most people face is that mid-January they stop working towards those goals. Why do people lose track of goals like this? The answer is the simple fact that they lack the ability to commit. A commitment is a vow you make between you and someone else. Whether it's just for yourself, or between a spouse,a friend, or the Lord. Commitment is by definition: (from http://1828.mshaffer.com)

1. To give in trust; to put into the hands or power of another; to entrust; with to.

Commit thy way to the Lord. Ps. 37.

The things thou hast heard of me, commit to faithful men. 2 Tim. 2.

2. To put into any place for preservation; to deposit; as, to commit a passage in a book to memory; to commit the body to the grave.

What kind of commitments do you make? What do you give in trust to another? I can talk about friendship in this article and tell you that I am committed to friendships that glorify God. It is not wise for us to remain in friendships that are not edifying to the Body nor honoring to Christ. I have had 'friends' before that I knew were not good for me or my family and have needed to get away from their influence. Yet there are friends with whom I have committed myself to not only have, but also be a friend to.

How can you be a friend when they don't want to walk in the Lord's path with you anymore? When I decide I am a friend to someone I am a friend for life. I have had friends who have walked away from the Lord and while I am not in their physical presence I keep my commitment to pray for them. Not only that, but I do not want to take part in conversations from others who are disgruntled with them. I have a very dear friend that I have not seen nor spoken to in several years due to her not keeping in touch with me when she moved away. I have no idea how to find her, but if she called me in the middle of the night in need of help I would be there. When she decided to walk away from me I made sure that she knew I love her and am here for her no matter what. The friendship may not be current, but the door is left open, should she need me.

How do you handle the friendship when they betray you?
I have had friends betray me in many ways. Sometimes a friend may betray you by telling a secret about you. Something you trusted them to keep private. If you confront that friend in love and they repent and ask forgiveness, the friendship can heal. Yet if they refuse to confess their wrong doing and they continue to speak ill of you, then the Bible says to cut off that association.

Proverbs 22:10, "Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease."
Proverbs 22:24-25, "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: ²⁵Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul."

We are also cautioned not to rebuke a scorner. Openly dealing with a scorner only brings himself a shame.

Proverbs 9:7, "He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot."

Sometimes there is no way we can deal with a scorner directly, yet the Lord knows everything that is going on.

Ecclesiastes 12:14, "For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil."

Proverbs 15:3, "The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good."

How do we know if what they're saying is true or not?
Maybe you've had someone you know and trust tell you something about someone and you wonder if it is true or not. Ask yourself this question first, "Why are they telling me this?" Is the friend trying to protect YOU or expose the person they are speaking of? The Bible is very clear how to handle situations that need to be dealt with among the Body. I had a friend tell me a good piece of advice in regards to "When do I tell?" She said to me,

"If you grieve over whether or not to tell, you probably should, yet if you are eager to tell then you should not. Just pray."

Yet if you find that it's a situation where you feel you must tell, you MUST be wise in WHO you tell. For example, if I know a lady is not the kind of wife I think she should be, that is NOT my place to tell her. She has a husband and that is his position in her life not mine. Now if a married friend of mine starting seeing other men I would prayerfully step in and speak to her in LOVE and if she didn't listen I would go to our pastor. Yet if it's a matter of whether or not she is cooking their meals at home or spending too much time watching television it's just not my place.

Now if I am still unsure if I should be hearing the information about someone I have to step back and look at the big picture. The Bible says that we are to judge by their works.

Proverbs 31:31, "Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

Is the person in which they are speaking of a person with a good reputation? Is the person someone who is faithful to her family and her ministry? What kind of character do her children have? Does her husband work hard to provide for them? A woman who is doing right by her children will have children who honor her. She will have a husband who sacrifices in order to provide for her and their children. She will be a person who can be be relied upon in ministry. If she is a lady of her word then I would not listen to the 'scoop' this scorner is wanting to tell you.

A person is known by their commitments. We talk about being committed to marriage, family, and ministry. We all make mistakes there is no doubt about that, yet a person who keeps their commitments is a person who can receive the benefit of the doubt.

I have heard news about people that I knew were committed so I choose not to listen to that gossip. Sometimes the gossip can be true, but if the person is a person of character and longevity in their marriage, family, and ministry then I choose not to listen. Maybe the scornful party has the wrong perspective.

There is a woman I know who used to go to a church my family has gone to before. She insists on speaking ill of that pastor, his wife, and their children. I have tried time and time again to avoid the topic with her and I have even rebuked her of such comments. Yet she continues to bring it up after many years. The pastor and his family in which she speaks of has been incredibly helpful to my own family and the lives of many others. Thus I have decided not to believe her comments. She is a scorner. Yet even if what she says is true it is not my place to give heed to such stories. She needs to keep her feelings between her husband, that pastor, and God.

Proverbs 11:13, "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."

What do I do if someone else is speaking ill of me to my friends?
If they are your friends they won't listen, they will inform you, and will stand by your side. That is what commitment is. We cannot control whether or not someone gossips about us, but we can determine what kind of response we give.

I have friends that have been hurt by a scorner, and I myself have been a victim to nasty gossip as well. Yet all we can do is live for the Lord and seek His guidance for our lives. "If we keep our eyes on Jesus, right living happens." ~C.D Baker


Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in community service and leads the deaf ministry at her church.

Be A Good Neighbor

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself."
Luke 10:27

September 28th is “Good Neighbor Day”. Jesus tells us to love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. Who is your neighbor? It is not just the person who lives next to you. Where I used to live, we had a lot of land and didn’t have neighbors on either side of us who were real close. What the Bible means is to love everyone around you.

I now live on a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood. It seems like every night is a big block party. All the kids gather and play while the grownups talk. At first I was kind of disappointed because the circle we moved to had lots of boys and little kids. I was kind of hoping for girls my age, but I now understand that you can have friends in all different sizes.

I show love for my neighbors by helping the little ones and playing with them. Isabel is two and she loves for me to draw bumblebees with chalk on the sidewalk. We have a special song that she loves to sing with me. Her little brother, Lucas, loves for me to hold his hand while he rides my scooter since he is not quite old enough for it. I also go to their house sometimes and babysit them while their mom cleans the house and gets some time for herself. I love to help the younger kids get along when they are having trouble with each other.

Here are some ideas of ways you can show love to your neighbors:

· Make them cookies.
· Play with the younger kids.
· Send a get well card to them if they are sick.
· Help them feel better when they are sad.
· Tell them about Jesus.
· Invite them to church.
· Take dinner to a new mommy.
· Pick up their mail and newspaper when they go out of town.
· If you have older neighbors, help them take out the trash.

Friendship

There are some kindnesses that have been shown to my family over the years by people who call themselves our friends and we have been able to be a friend to others also. Here are some times when those kindnesses and friendships have grown.

One day when I was sick and my friend Emily came to my house after school that day with balloons and a card for me to get better. To this day I still have the card!! Don't you just love it when a friend helps you out in all situations? That what friendship is all about.

When my mom had our littles, people came over with loads of food. One day a friend came over with a van full of food, it lasted us a month! Friends are SO kind! People are still kind to us now when a family member gets sick people come over to help in any way.

For two weeks we went on vacation and our close family friend Miss Esther came by and watched our animals. She took my dog on vacation with her and they went to the coast, how nice is that!?!

One Christmas we had a man named Cleo come over to our house . He passed away just a few months later, you never know when your friend can pass away, so love them and comfort them because you never know how long you will have them for.

It's easy to love someone that you are close to, but when you do something kind for a stranger that is a sacrificial love. When my mom went to a conference she saw a homeless man. She went and bought a bottle of water for him, THAT is a sacrificial love.

~Proverbs 17:17 a "A friend loveth at all times…" (KJV)

Here are some quotes on friendship that we found:

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope." -Unknown

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."- Unknown

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
- Donna Roberts

Elevator Buttons

Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." (KJV)


One Sunday at church a friend of mine had placed her bible and purse on the chair in the first row and the other chairs were empty. I was glad because I wanted to sit by her and the seats were open. So I set my belongings there and I sat down. She came into the room and she said that she saved the spots for her friends, and that they 'always' sit by her. She said that somebody should have told me, but nobody told me.

She got mad and she just sat down and kept nagging me. Another girl came in the room and my friend said to her, with an unkind tone of voice, "I guess you will have to sit by Monica." That made me feel unwanted and that she wasn't really my friend. One of the friends sat down next to me, she was very kind to me. She made me feel welcomed and like I was one of her friends.

When I got home from church I contacted good friend Miss Jocelyn, and I asked for her opinion. She said, "It's your friends turn to act nice and loving. Perhaps you might pray for her." I really appreciate Jocelyn being there for me and for giving me these encouraging words. Another friend that gives me encouraging words is my close friend Courtney. She makes me feel so safe when I am around her. Courtney keeps me in the will of God by keeping me out of trouble. Whenever I face temptation she gently reminds me about my decisions to follow God. Courtney is an excellent friend!!

I prayed once I got home and I asked God to help me in this situation. He told me that I need to pray for her to act more Christ like and to be kinder to others. After that prayer I thought about what kind of friend is she, and if she is going to boost me up or take me down. My pastor says that friends are like elevator buttons, some take you up and some take you down. I need to be careful and to know what button I push. I know God wants me to forgive her but, He also shows me that I need to be wiser in selecting my friends.



Dear Heavenly Father,

Please help me to make a wise decision in choosing my friends, help me to see if my friends take me up or if they bring me down. Help me to pray about it and ask for your guidance and help me to have a forgiving heart: in Jesus' name Amen.



Thoughts to ponder:

Am I a good friend to others?

Do I allow Jesus to push the elevator buttons in my life?

Have I ever made somebody else feel unwanted?

Who is wiser than me that I can go to for advice?


Decisions to make:

I will allow others to feel welcome and not left out.

Be a friend to have a friend.

I will treat others like I would want to be treated.

Meditate Upon:

Ephesians 4:32, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."(KJV)

Proverbs 18:2, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."(KJV)

Matthew7:12, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." (KJV)